...so i touched it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
bring money and cleavage
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
