I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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