I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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