Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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