Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
