oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
