I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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