soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
