She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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