dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
