After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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