Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
