hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
