God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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