I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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