If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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