Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
