Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
