I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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