the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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