today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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