It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
