IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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