i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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