I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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