OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
