break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
