Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
