Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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