her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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