So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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