Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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