I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
