I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
