Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
