The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
