I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize