Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
