Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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