STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
