dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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