I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
