What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I still have a little drunk in my system
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
