i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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