just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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