i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
