I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
