So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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