Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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