remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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