I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Randomize
