No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
