I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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