every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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