I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
