i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
