Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
