Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
