Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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