I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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