but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
