I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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