Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
