Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
