There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize