i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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