he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize