what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
