White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
