I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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