u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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