His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
