he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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