a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how does that bad decision feel?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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