you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he thought i was a dude.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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