You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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