i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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