miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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