So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize