Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
