My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so let's talk penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
