you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
