this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
