he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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