my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
