Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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