I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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