The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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