I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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