Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
