so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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