Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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