also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize